I think I feel you somehow, the pain is soothing and the
birds are chirping in the sky. Somehow as I lay here, in this car, my thoughts
and anxiousness seem to fly up in the sky and are traded with yours. They get
back at my body and I feel your eyes watching me from a distance. Like you used
to, hiding in the bushes of the park we’re parked next to. My hands are sweating,
like I’m about to touch your lips and my veins are about to explode from the
blood rushing inside of them. My body is splattered in the front of the passenger
seat. My friends keep changing the music in the radio. “Used to be the one of
the rotten ones and I liked you for that”. My ears are nearly bleeding, my
heart is about to stop beating. My mind is somewhere else; I can smell something
putrid there. Something’s decomposing near my nostrils. I think I’m expiring. They’re
maggots crawling out of my mouth and there are some of them that crawl inside
it. When I look up, all I see is the grey and long-faced sky with clouds embracing
it, wooing me to marry them. I’m feeling ill, I’m about to puke. Please, leave
my body alone. Please, leave me alone, please, please, please, please.
My devotion to you is sole, rare and unadulterated. I stare
at you with my eyes opened wide and clear. I cannot miss a beat or word you expel,
I want to devour you. Everything that comes out of you I plan to keep near me,
because there is nothing I don’t adore about you. But suddenly everything’s
changed, there’s a delusion of madness growing inside of me, aching to eat you
up and lock you in a bird cage. The hours or minutes apart from you makes it worse,
the pit of degradation is absorbing my intestines, and minutes unconnected make
me feel a whole lot more insane than you used to make me. When we’re lying together
in my bed, I want to melt into one; I want to subtract the wretchedness or
martyrdom you’ve ever felt before. Absorbing the misery and grayness, I plan to
conquer you, deleting past lovers or unused feelings. My complete devotion lies
on you, my will, my whole, my teeth and claws are breaking if you’re not with
me. “…Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me”.