I think I feel you somehow, the pain is soothing and the birds are chirping in the sky. Somehow as I lay here, in this car, my thoughts and anxiousness seem to fly up in the sky and are traded with yours. They get back at my body and I feel your eyes watching me from a distance. Like you used to, hiding in the bushes of the park we’re parked next to. My hands are sweating, like I’m about to touch your lips and my veins are about to explode from the blood rushing inside of them. My body is splattered in the front of the passenger seat. My friends keep changing the music in the radio. “Used to be the one of the rotten ones and I liked you for that”. My ears are nearly bleeding, my heart is about to stop beating. My mind is somewhere else; I can smell something putrid there. Something’s decomposing near my nostrils. I think I’m expiring. They’re maggots crawling out of my mouth and there are some of them that crawl inside it. When I look up, all I see is the grey and long-faced sky with clouds embracing it, wooing me to marry them. I’m feeling ill, I’m about to puke. Please, leave my body alone. Please, leave me alone, please, please, please, please.
My devotion to you is sole, rare and unadulterated. I stare at you with my eyes opened wide and clear. I cannot miss a beat or word you expel, I want to devour you. Everything that comes out of you I plan to keep near me, because there is nothing I don’t adore about you. But suddenly everything’s changed, there’s a delusion of madness growing inside of me, aching to eat you up and lock you in a bird cage. The hours or minutes apart from you makes it worse, the pit of degradation is absorbing my intestines, and minutes unconnected make me feel a whole lot more insane than you used to make me. When we’re lying together in my bed, I want to melt into one; I want to subtract the wretchedness or martyrdom you’ve ever felt before. Absorbing the misery and grayness, I plan to conquer you, deleting past lovers or unused feelings. My complete devotion lies on you, my will, my whole, my teeth and claws are breaking if you’re not with me. “…Park that car, drop that phone, sleep on the floor, dream about me”.