domingo, 26 de julio de 2009
Sometimes i feel a little guilt. A guilt that's climbing and scratching my esophagus. This guilt that's been building up a whole new idea of living, in my head. And yet i still don't feel that insecurity. This feeling that has been radiating my shoulders, 'cause it's just too much in my head. A guilt that make me feel as a child again, hiding under the tables, running through the alleys, yelling and screaming. This guilt that makes my tiny little childish head explode, into a million and a thousand pieces.
Shiny little pieces of me, of my soul, of thoughts; just flying through the atmosphere.
And yet I don't belong.
Sometimes i feel the rottenness.l feel Eunice making her way out of me. Eunice, the weak one; the light in me. I can sense my decomposing being just drifting through a non-refundable life. This feeling, a feeling of knowing that you're no better than anyone. That with a word vomit you can destroy an entire life, your entire life. A simple show off, a simple flash of you being, could make everything worse.
Do you know how that is?
The need of wanting your soul in the nude, bare naked, just as it is. But knowing that you could end up a life, by showing it. It is hard. It's asphyxiating. It's horrible.
I don't want to grow up. I don't want to destroy. I don't want to fulfill others by making myself apart. I don't want to give in. I don't want to hurt anyone. I don't want to explode.
But i already grew. But I am destroying, with a simple touch. But i already fulfilled others, and i left myself apart; rock bottom. I gave up. I'd hurt everyone. I am exploding.
I'm still radiating.